I have done so many diets. I have read more diet/ nutrition books than you could count. I have intended on starting fasts, detoxes, and flushes. I’ve joined Weight Watchers / was a member of Weight Watchers at least once a year since I was seventeen.
I am so damn tired of it all.
I’m a body positive person. I’ve spent my life struggling with my body and my mind, the scale and my health stats. All of this. I don’t think to be fat means you are unhealthy. You can be healthy and overweight. You can be thin and unhealthy. You can be a normal weight and unhealthy. I’ve seen it, but that was never me.
To be healthy you need to love yourself. And loving yourself includes loving the body you are in right now. It includes giving yourself a huge hug and settling into self-care routines. It doesn’t matter if you want to change your body or not. You need to love it, and to appreciate it. It’s the only one you’ve got. If you have legs, they are what carries you. If you are seeing, your eyes are what give you light. If you have hair, it’s because you choose to. And if you don’t have these things, there are other aspects of your body that are there for you all the time. Your heart. Your skin. Your veins.
You cannot be healthy and be full of self-hate. You can’t try to scare yourself into good health. You can’t read books and gain knowledge and hope that changes your actions. You can’t watch YouTube videos and buy workout machines and hope that it will bring you help or a pants size.
Everything about you starts from within. It starts with you and it starts with loving you.
This blog is about loving yourself. It’s about owning self-love, and learning how to be kind to yourself. And right now, it’s also about my journey into health. This journey includes changing my lifestyle. It might be in a way that you’re uncomfortable or unfamiliar with. But that’s on me. This is my journey, too. I finally feel like I’m at a spot in my life where I love myself enough to allow myself to change.
For years I have been frozen, yo-yoing back and forth. I’ve talked to myself in negative ways. I’ve been at a place where I have cried because I couldn’t figure it out. I couldn’t figure out what to do. I couldn’t figure out how to proceed. And usually, this is when I give up.
I’m not going to give up anymore. I’m trying things, and if they don’t work I’ll try something else.
I have blood work that points to numbers I don’t like. I have clothes I don’t find flattering. I have aches where I don’t want aches. I want to feel strong and in control. There’s someone inside me wanting to come out. And I know sometimes that’s a trope, a misconception, that people are pissed off when another person thinks or implies that about a fat person. I know this, but this is how I feel. Part of me is buried, and I want her to come out. Maybe, really part of her is emerging right now and I am working on shaping her. It doesn’t matter, things are changing and that’s what I want you to know.
So this blog that’s about me and you and what I love and self-love is also about me and my journey and my health. It’s about me seeking to be who I am, who is buried inside me. It’s about me carving out my future. And by doing this I am helping you to figure out how to do this for yourself. I hope that makes sense. I hope I’m not speaking in huge sweeping promises, cheesy verses to pull you in.
Basically, I have to start with me. And that’s what I’m doing. So please, don’t be turned off by body positive posts next to posts about my journey into health.
The importance in life is making it everything we want it to be. The importance is finding you and letting that version shine – if that’s what you want. The importance is connecting and feeling loved and loving yourself. The importance is knowing you are important. You are magical. You are loved. And bringing all of these concepts to life.