Taking Stock & Self Love

Since I left Starbucks in June I gained back all the weight it took me a year and a half to lose. I stepped on the scale for the first time in a while and realized I’ve gained about 6-7 more pounds. It’s been about six months all together. My eating habits, while certainly not even close to perfect or regular, haven’t changed that drastically.

There are some issues I need to sort out. Thankfully I’m going to a new doctor in a couple weeks. I’m used to doctors ignoring my problems and prescribing things that don’t help. They’re missing the mark. I plan on asking for referrals to specialists and trying to get straightened out.

I have gluten intolerance, chicken and egg whites make me feel sick and I’m lactose intolerant. I’m tired all the time. I have sleep apnea and dry skin. I also have a few other issues that I’m not about to name here. Always being tired and waking up with achy feet (especially after exercising) makes it difficult to feel good about your body. It makes it hard to feel good about who you are, because you physically feel like crap. I’ve always struggled with loving the body I’m in, and it’s especially hard when I want to be down on myself and blame myself for getting me here. It’s tough because you’ve got to take responsibility for your actions, but it’s so much more complicated than that. With sleep apnea, you’re more likely to gain weight because you’re tired so you eat more to try to wake yourself up but that leads to weight gain. My sleep apnea is treated with a cpap machine now, but that’s after how many years of me not knowing I have sleep apnea? I had trouble sleeping, even as a teenager. While doctors can’t guarantee that weight loss will “cure” sleep apnea, I long for that chance to sleep on my own without being dependent on a machine to keep me breathing.