This is me: excited to get on a pair of roller skates
album: Finally It’s Christmas by Hanson. Of course a Hanson album would be on here, especially if it’s a Christmas one in November. This cd came out in last October and I waited until my birthday to listen to it. My friend Erin and I blasted the album and tried to talk over the songs while driving down to the Cape for birthday lunch and mall wandering. Watch the nostalgic music video, too.
book: They Both Die At The End by Adam Silvera. I just recently (finally!!!) started reading Adam Silvera’s books, and I’m kind of sad that I only have one left. Both books that I’ve read have been amazing so far. They Both Die At The End follows two characters – Mateo and Rufus – who got the Death-Cast call just after midnight on the day this book takes place. This means sometime in the next 24 hours they’re going to die, but neither one has any idea how. Join them as navigate their last day together.
It’s midday on a Tuesday, I’m wearing a lot of pink today and I’m thinking about when I should dive in for my snack of mixed nuts and crazy dark chocolate. The weather has been too warm for fall, leaving my apple picking adventures from Sunday to be too sweaty, and involving too many bees. But I survived, richer in apples and one thing checked off the Autumn list. Here are some other things I am loving right now.
- doing fall (& festive) things. This list includes apple picking, and having plans for a corn maze, and a renaissance festival
- my in real life book club Of Books And Tea Book Club, which I will start writing about soon in my blog Of Books And
- Yoga with Adrienne
- walking before work on my late dates
- my new job/ position (more on that, soon!)
- writing gratitude lists
- upcoming musical plans
ps. You can find me on Heroine Training, as I wrote a Fit For A Heroine Guide to Plymouth, MA
Do that thing that makes you come alive. Find your passion and let it fuel you. Don’t lose sight of the world around you, the dreams you’ve always had. Don’t forget the friends who are soulmates, and the experiences that shape you. Let one weekend in a little city in Oklahoma change you. Let three brothers in a band make you.
Allow the thing you love to become you. Allow yourself to get lost in passion and forget who you might have been. Remember the teenager inside you, aching to come out. Learn everything you can about everything. Grow wings and fly.
Read the books that break you. Love the people even though it might hurt you. Be wild and free. Be alive and awake. Be aware. Create your bucket list and check off items. Add more things. Never finish that list. Sing the songs on repeat until they’ve memorized. Detail lives and experiences on your skin. Document your life in words and pictures.
Know what you believe in. Go after it. Jump far for it. Fight for your beliefs. Fight for yourself. Fight for everyone around you.
You’ve only got this one life. We aren’t immortal creatures. Live that one life.
Do that thing.
It’s Spring! Finally! I am sneezing like crazy, piling tissues up in my wastebasket and refusing to wear a jacket. Today my car said it was SEVENTY degrees. It was sunny. I spent time outside. Amazing.
And yet, I struggle. As awesome as the day was, I returned home physically exhausted and kind of complacent, a little discouraged. I can’t quite put a name to my emotions most of the time.
I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. For a long time I didn’t have name for it, or I was self diagnosing myself. For a while I went to therapy. I tried out different medications. Sometimes now I take supplements. I often read about suggestions. I’m always feeling guilty about my feelings. I feel like I don’t have a “right” to be depressed, because I know people who struggle so much more than I do, because they have real issues in their physical lives that would make anyone depressed. I try to rename my issues, explaining myself (in my head) as having emotional issues. That sounds better. It sounds less mental, and yet still real. Everyone understands emotions, to some extent, right?
Why am I bringing this up today? I’m not sure, really. I’m bringing it up because I want to work on these things. I want to try stuff out. I want to write about it. I want to get back to sharing myself and my words with people. And in order to do that, I need to start writing. While I decided to use this blog as a re-start, I think I may actually import my posts from melaniekristy.com. I’m not really sure yet. My mind is all over the place. (I’ve also self-diagnosed myself with ADD. And not in that flippant kind of way that everyone does. In the kind of way that is trying to tell you that my brain isn’t working properly, that I struggle with impulse control, focus, getting anything done and disorganization). I constantly feel like my mind is a mess. But I couldn’t explain to anyone what that really means. Sometimes I want to sit down and sort my mind out. I’m not really sure how to do that. I think writing it down and documenting it is a first step.
My friend Penny and I had this discussion last night. We are both on the same page, really, about our scattered, depressed minds. I want to start over. I want to start somewhere. I want to have prompts, to experience life and to explore myself. For a long time I’ve kind of lived in a shadow of the person I want to be, and for an equally long time I haven’t really had a good idea of who I want to be.
I am thirty years old now. It’s about time I figure something out.
I’m going to find myself, or insert other equally cliche terms here.
Care to join me? Help me? Follow along?
ps! If you haven’t done so already, please check out my new book blog! I haven’t posted much there lately but ideas are swarming around inside me. I just have to get them onto paper/ into this computer and spit them out onto the screen for you (and others!) to read.