2018 · Melanie Kristy · musings

On Cooking Cutter Worlds and Having Too Many Interests on the Internet

“When you live in a cookie cutter world being different you can’t win.” Weird – Hanson

What happens when you have too many interests? I’m in this world of blogging and instagramming and watching YouTube and everyone seems to have a niche, right? Everyone is a booktuber or has a fitstagram or something else. I keep alternating between thinking I should keep all my content here in this blog, and separating things out. I have a book blog, but I like posting things together. If you follow my Instagram, you might notice I post more food and health related images than anything else. I want to share everything with you. I want to share my loves and obsessions and books and thoughts.

 

I never fit into one box.
Sure, we all have phases. Some days I lean more toward being interested in bullet journals. Other days I’m obsessed with finding the perfect snacks. There are weeks when I spend too much time on Pinterest. My current obsession is roller skating. Not actually doing it (yet), but watching videos and wanting to join roller derby. I feel like I’m all over the place at times, and while I think that’s fine, I can’t quite figure out how to organize that into one space.

 

Blogging has certainly changed over the years. Many bloggers only blog with the intention of marketing and networking. Some blog to teach you how to blog. Others write reviews. Some people tell you about their days. I’m not sure why I’m listing all these things right now. Basically I’m a bit overwhelmed. Blogging used to be a diary of sorts. It used to be sharing. And now there are lots of different websites to share on, and different ways to connect. I kept thinking that I should start a YouTube channel, and maybe I will eventually, but right now my heart wants me to keep on typing. I want to reconnect with words. I suppose if I’m simply writing it doesn’t matter what I write about. If I’m not aiming to create some epic blog it doesn’t matter if I’m all over the place. If I don’t want my words to go far and do things, if I’m okay with writing for me and hoping that other people in enjoy then it’s okay to write about books and weight loss and travel all in one page.

 

I think transparency is a good thing to have on the internet these days. That’s why I’m telling you all this right now. I’ve been holding on to web addresses for so long, going months without using them and allowing myself to forget what writing feelings like. I’ve been focused on the wrong things. I look up ways to make Instagram more aesthetic, while thinking about buying new dishes just for my food pictures. I’ve struggled to think about what sort of tones I want my pictures to be. Cool and minimalist? Busy and colorful? Does it really matter? I’m not so sure.

 

Authenticity is something I strive for, but some days it feels like the Internet is not a fan of authenticity. It’s not a fan of you being you. It wants you to be yourself while seemingly perfect and also effortlessly creating an aesthetic that everyone adores. The Internet wants you to connect with people, but it also wants you to have your shit together and to know what you’re talking about before you burst forth with your thoughts. It wants you to give advice and make how-to posts. It wants you to not admit to your failures. It wants you to be perfectly PC or not PC at all, to appeal to every person while also taking a stand. The Internet wants you to know what you want and to go for it unabashedly while ignoring that fact that maybe you want to be everything. Maybe you want to do everything. Maybe the four walls surrounding one niche project are too dampening for your passion.

 

Maybe your passion lies everywhere.
Uncategorized · writing

I’m Always Going to Attempt National Novel Writing Month

National Novel Writing Month, also lovingly referred to as NaNoWriMo (for those who can’t pronounce it think: nano – rye – mo) has been part of my life since I discovered it during my Sophomore year of college in 2004. I immediately took to the challenge to create my own characters and write a non fan fiction novel. Inspired by Vanessa Carlton’s White Houses I wrote and completed that novel, “won” NaNoWriMo, uploaded it to Livejournal (no, I’m not linking you to that terribly written novel, nice try!) as I went and happily set it aside.

I have signed up almost every year since then. I have attempted to write a 50,000 word novel in most Novembers. Some years I have “won” (to win: you complete the challenge of writing the 50,000 words), others I gave up in days or weeks. There were some years I worked on rewrites and didn’t have anything original. Other years I was determined and faltered.

November is a busy month. The holidays are just beginning, autumn is in full swing and Thanksgiving comes up really fast. It’s also my birthday month. I’ve come to love November as a month of busyness, cool weather and writing, and so each year when I get the reminders about NaNoWriMo I dive in. Or at least I try to. I write blog posts about it, I try and seek out new writing friends and I stare in front of my computer for more time than I normally do.

This year is no different.

I’m well behind my word goal of 2000 words per day (In fact I’m at about 2600 for three days). I’m finding myself busy, because I don’t want to say no to certain things just because of words. I’m always finding myself busy, though, so that isn’t very new or different. I’m documenting my journey through my Instagram stories so be sure to add me on there. My writing has been more of an exploration than scenes. I still haven’t figured out what the plot is and I’m learning that’s my overall issue with writing anything. I can come up with characters and lives and overarching feelings and emotional changes, but I can’t figure out what actually happens to get my characters there.

It’s okay, though. I’ll figure it out. I’m determined.

I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was in second grade. This was also the first time I was exposed to computers. It was 1991. We wrote in MS DOS on computers with green screens and even greener words. We wrote our own versions of children’s books we loved. I asked for a computer for Christmas when I was seven years old.

My relationship with writing has been a complicated one. It was lush and flourishing when I was younger, and I find that the older I am the more I feel like I’ve forgotten how to write. Years of writing classes and workshop combined with reading amazing novels has made me feel incapable. It’s all a mind game, though. And this is what’s driving me this year. Facing the mind game. Facing myself. Pushing through.

So I’m here, committed. I also want to write about this process. I want to get back into documenting and I’d like to help myself discover what it is that I have to say.

Are you participating in NaNoWriMo this year? Tell me about your experience so far.

x.
M.