Most days I feel like I don’t know how to properly feed myself. Some days I forget completely and can’t even think of what I have fed myself in the past. Tonight I wandered the grocery store with potatoes and two cans of soup (lentil and chili to be specific) wondering how I manage to call myself an adult.
The thing is, inside my head is all messed up.
I only think about what I can’t eat, or what I want to it and it makes it difficult to figure out everything else.
I went home and ate a bunch of cheddar cheese from the package while I microwaved my potatoes.
And here I am. Thinking about that chocolate that of course I also bought.
Staring at too many tabs that are open in Safari.
So. I left my full time job for part time employment, and now it’s kind of hitting me that I am making a lot less money. All of that would be more okay if I didn’t feel like my newish free time was spent wasted away. Because I usually feel sick. Or too damn tired. And I can’t concentrate. So I get mad at myself, and mad at my head and my body. Just mad. mad. mad.
And the posts I see on Facebook pages have me conflicted. I’m afraid of carbs. I don’t like most meat. Chicken makes me feel sick. I shouldn’t be eating the bagel I wanted to buy and have for dinner (I mean really, Udi’s bagels are kind of expensive anyway, and I don’t have the extra cash. I also wanted to put smoked salmon on top).
Usually I feel like professional bloggers (which I certainly am not) make mosts reflecting things they already know, how-t0’s and wisdom. And honestly, I just feel like I don’t have any of that to gain or know. Not from experience at least.
I’m just sitting here with microwave potatoes thinking about a peppermint chocolate bar.