I haven’t posted in forever. In July I tried to make 30 posts. I was attempting to distract myself from the fact that I felt so utterly alone, that I was afraid of my relationship ending. I was afraid of feeling insecure. That relationship ended anyway. I felt insecure the during the whole summer and after when it was officially known that things were not going to get better. I still struggle with the idea that something so fun and great (for seven months) could change so drastically, and end so weirdly. I’m trying to take lessons away from it, instead of adding to my own insecurities and fears.
I know that I don’t want to date someone who chooses their work over me.
I know that I put everything I could into that relationship, even when I was being ignored and hurt – whether that was part intentional or not – there was nothing else I could have done
I know what I don’t want. I know what is possible. I know that there is something better suited for me out there.
I learned from another relationship three years ago that I can survive heart break. So I remembered that in times when I feel sad. I have survived heartbreak before. I will keep on surviving it until one day my heart stops breaking.
I haven’t had a lot to say lately but I’m finding my way back. I’m trying to think about connecting with people and sharing what I love. First I need to connect with myself.
Let me know if you’re out there.