30 in july

Those Moments that Stick With Us (10)

There are moments in our lives that stick with us. They may be slightly ordinary moments, things that happened so long ago that they are not quite relevant anymore. But these moments affect the way we interact, how and who we trust, and why we fear certain things in relationships and friendships. In sharing my moment this week, one friend told me about her first boyfriend who cheated on her a month into their relationship and she found out two years later. That affects the way she responds to love. Another friend told me that she was a chubby kid, and as a joke people used to say “so and so likes you” because it’s funny when you’re a kid, it”s all a joke on the chubby kid. Now when someone finds her attractive, her immediate response is to think it’s a joke. That happened to me, too, in 6th grade.
But my moment was sometime in the end of 7th grade. I had grown particularly close to this one girl who was a year older than me. She was obsessed with Hanson, particularly Taylor, and one night we watched Tulsa, Tokyo and the Middle of Nowhere and read fan fiction. My life was forever changed. Then at the end of 7th grade, between some miscommunication with a completely different friend, and I don’t know what else, this girl dropped me for someone else. Someone cooler, someone better. Someone not me. I was completely devastated. I had never experienced such heartbreak before. In the years to come I experienced friend breakups, fade outs, ghosting and all the other stuff that comes along with romantic relationships gone sour. I came to recognize it as a sign that I shouldn’t trust that my friends will always be there. It made me turn inward, make friends online and rely on fiction and my love for that same band, Hanson, to get me through. I’ve long outgrown this fear of friendship breakups. I think it’s partially to do with the fact that friendships don’t seem as intense as they were when you’re 13, 15, 18, 21. It’s also because most of the the people in my life have been there for a long time and I’ve learned to trust them without worry. But that fear is still there, lingering around my mind, in other aspects of my life. It will always be a thing that’s there, on the sidelines, watching as I go about my life.
Do you have one defining moment in your life that affected your following relationships and friendships?
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