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My last Things I Love Thursday

Soon I’m going to change this into my own thing, a weekly love letter to the world where can all share love and positivity and gratitude. But right now it’s Thursday and I was reading super old Gala Darling posts this morning. so lets do this one more time with feeling.

  
Gluten free pizza with crust that’s so amazing I can’t stop talking about it

Watching and sharing weird artsy movie trailers

  
Having fun with filters on snapchat

Getting OwlCrate in the mail every month

  

Plans to visit the Wizarding World of Harr Potter and escape this Massachusetts winter for some Florida weather in February

Feeling inspired

Grilled pineapple with cinnamon 

  

Starbucks dates with myself

  

This pizza pillow I got for Christmas 

  

Indian food buffets (especially pakoras and bindhi masala)

  Random selfies and glitter star T shirts 

  The ocean, always.
What do you love today?

Xo 

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Find Me On MyFitnessPal

I’m not always the best at keeping tracking. I’ve joined and quit Weight Watchers a million times – usually at least once a year since I was seventeen. I’m opting to use MyFitnessPal – an app that I’ve used on an off for years – to keep track of things. It’s not just to count calories, but I’m also interested in nutrients and how they make me feel better or worse. I’m interested in keeping a journal of the eating part of my life just so I have some sort of record. Even if I’m not counting calories or trying to stay within my recommended range right now, I want to be gentle on myself while also staying accountable.

You can find me on MyFitnessPal here.

xo

Melanie

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Taking Stock & Self Love

Since I left Starbucks in June I gained back all the weight it took me a year and a half to lose. I stepped on the scale for the first time in a while and realized I’ve gained about 6-7 more pounds. It’s been about six months all together. My eating habits, while certainly not even close to perfect or regular, haven’t changed that drastically.

There are some issues I need to sort out. Thankfully I’m going to a new doctor in a couple weeks. I’m used to doctors ignoring my problems and prescribing things that don’t help. They’re missing the mark. I plan on asking for referrals to specialists and trying to get straightened out.

I have gluten intolerance, chicken and egg whites make me feel sick and I’m lactose intolerant. I’m tired all the time. I have sleep apnea and dry skin. I also have a few other issues that I’m not about to name here. Always being tired and waking up with achy feet (especially after exercising) makes it difficult to feel good about your body. It makes it hard to feel good about who you are, because you physically feel like crap. I’ve always struggled with loving the body I’m in, and it’s especially hard when I want to be down on myself and blame myself for getting me here. It’s tough because you’ve got to take responsibility for your actions, but it’s so much more complicated than that. With sleep apnea, you’re more likely to gain weight because you’re tired so you eat more to try to wake yourself up but that leads to weight gain. My sleep apnea is treated with a cpap machine now, but that’s after how many years of me not knowing I have sleep apnea? I had trouble sleeping, even as a teenager. While doctors can’t guarantee that weight loss will “cure” sleep apnea, I long for that chance to sleep on my own without being dependent on a machine to keep me breathing.

xo

Melanie

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Starting out I’m starting over

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Hi there. It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. I spent weeks trying to come up with the perfect name for a new blog, but I decided to stick around here and clean this place up a bit. I want to write with intention, and live with intention as well, so I want to bring purpose back to this blog. I’ve been meaning to get back into writing again. I’ve been telling myself to start typing and see what happens. I’ve been wanting to tell my stories, but my mind keeps on arguing that I don’t have the stories yet, that I’m still beginning. Everything is muddled.

There is no real beginning, though. I’m in the middle of something, and that’s what’s more important. Life is in the middle of something. I started Story Shaped Girl a few years ago with the intention of creating something, and I kind of allowed it to lose its luster while I attempted to personal blog here. That didn’t work out for me, clearly, as it’s been months since I’ve been here.

I want to explore the relationship between physical and mental health. I want to discover what it means to seek health (and, ultimately, weight loss) while still focusing on healthy body image, self love and all that comes with it. There’s a fine line and it can be a struggle. I get that. I want to find ways to overcome it.

While I am in the middle of a life long battle with my weight and attempting to get my health back to where it should be, I’m also at the beginning of recommitting (though I feel like I’m always recommitting). I want to document it and explore my thoughts and experiences with you. Why? Because we can help each other. We can read each others stories and experiences and learn and grow in ways that aren’t as possible when we are doing things entirely alone.

Because the truth is, it’s not what happens to you that defines who you are. It’s how you tell that story, how you allow your world to be changed by what happens to you. It’s how you decide to handle what you’ve been given, even if it takes ten years to start up, start over. I believe in the power of words. I believe in stories and using them to shape and define who we are so that we can exceed those definitions and become who we want to be (or were meant to be).

 

xo

Melanie