melanie kristy · story

Two Weeks into eHarmony



I used OkCupid as a dating site for years, but last fall I deleted my account. I stayed away from online dating since then until about two weeks ago when I decided to try something new. I decided on trying eHarmony because it was a paid site which tends to weed out the people who are only looking to get laid. I also chose it because it was something different and also because a friend recommended it. is too much like OkCupid and it doesn’t even have a lot of the same features. I also found that a lot of people on Match are also on OkCupid. So I was open to trying something new.

The way eHarmony works is that you have to have a paid membership to see other peoples’ pictures. You also have to have a paid membership to do certain kinds of communication. I signed up, browsed for a few days before paying for a three month membership. Note to self: remember to figure out how to turn off auto-subscription BEFORE you are charged again.

So in two weeks I’ve had messages back from about five guys. Maybe six. We interacted a few times, or just once. You can choose questions to send to guys in what’s called “Guided Communication” and I like that a lot because I often don’t know how to send a first message. I tend to spend too much time thinking about it and it ends up feeling stressful. This is why I didn’t message that many guys on OkCupid.

So in two weeks I’ve sent at least seventy guys messages. Most were “matches” but there’s also a “What-if” feature where you can view random guys who don’t align with however you answered your questions. Not one guy has messaged me on his own accord.

It’s interesting because it’s not the experience my friend had. It’s also interesting because when I told another friend about this experience, he responded with something along the lines of “That’s completely opposite of OkCupid.” But really? It’s not. Not for me, anyway. I’m not quite sure what I’m doing wrong, but it’s rare to get an earnest message and even rarer for me to talk to someone enough that we end up meeting. More rare dating. And the rarest: a relationship. So in the five years I was on OkCupid (and actively seeking people) I met a handful or two of men. Two ended up in three month relationships.

And that’s it.

At this point I’m thinking well it has to be me.

I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, or doing wrong or what. Every guy I have dated has seemed to think I was really awesome (and yet somehow couldn’t commit/ isn’t monogamous, etc).

So what now?

You tell me, people. Really. I’m not sure what else to do (I mean, aside from continuing on this path but it hasn’t been much help so far.)




3 thoughts on “Two Weeks into eHarmony

  1. Good luck Melanie! It is a long process. I met my husband on a dating website. But I sure didn’t meet anyone else. Some women attract a lot of man traffic, others attract a very select few. Both sorts can be happy. Keep at it! (Maybe ask a guy friend to review your profile/pic? They can let you know if you are accidentally giving off crazy cat lady vibes?)

    1. Thanks Zoe. It’s tough! I’ve done it before and had issues but at least before I wasn’t paying. I think I might go back to OKC in a bit. I’ve been playing with Tinder but it’s not for serious people. Thanks for the suggestion about asking a guy friend, I’ve thought about doing that!

  2. I used OKC after my last breakup and met some real weirdos, but I also met my husband 🙂 Don’t trust the percentage thing – do they still have that? OKC predicted we’d have a 52% chance of working out. Well…5 years later…

    We’re complete opposites, but I think that makes for a more interesting relationship.

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