Are you lost? Do you want to be lost? How did you get here? The webs we weave are complicated, invisible sometimes and sticky. All you have to do is forget.
Take on too much, unimagine dreams, let bookshelves get dusty, forget that you blog, stop wondering what you’re characters are up to. You can also stop moving, spending too much time watching BookTube and cat videos online, think that everyone else’s blog/ videos/ projects/ efforts are good enough (better than you can do) so why even try? Let people have power over you, stay undone from a breakup, traces the lines back to where you made mistakes and wonder what lives you in alternate universes are up to right now, let things pile up, nap instead of meditate, eat too much sugar, forget to mail out letters, contemplate life for momentary seconds instead of hours, stay out of the sun, buy too many.
You can lose yourself by forgetting. By living a mundane life you lose yourself. You lose yourself when you start to forget who you wanted to be. When complacency seems like a good place to be.
Have you lose yourself? Come back later and I’ll show you the way back.
It’s Sunday today. I’m sitting behind my laptop and typing real words on it for the first time in what feels like forever. Lately I’ve been writing a lot of lists in the notebook / journal I carry around with me. The lists are similar, like words I tell myself to get myself to do things. Write. Breathe. Love. Live. I get tired of myself over and over again. I seem to be on an endless loop of the same thoughts. All of these thoughts include the avoidance of a keyboard and keys, actual real writing, and trying to numb myself to the yearning/ longing/ frustration/ emotion of life.
I have some news for you my dear readers. And I have news for myself. That emotion that I’m numbing myself from? (I mean, failing to numb but trying so hard I’ve definitely developed anxiety about all of the things).
That is life.
Life is the yearning, the longing and the wanting. It’s being content to want more, aching for something else. But what’s more than that is that life is making these things happen. Or, at least, taking steps in a general direction away from this restlessness.
Oh how restless I’ve grown.
So recently I deactivated faceboook. You can still find me on instagram and twitter, though and here. I’ll be here wandering the internet, creating a home for myself in words I’ve been unable to find. I “quit” my other blog, one which you may or may not have been familiar with. I needed a new start. Desperately. So badly that I had stopped writing at all. Nothing seemed worth it. I had allowed myself to believe that I have nothing to say. (And maybe some days I don’t).
So this is a new start, a place where I can write and create and be. And even though in that aspect (since this is the internet and all) I could have done all of those things on my other blog, as an overly active Facebook stalker, etc. I couldn’t. Which is why I’m here today.
Sundays are for selfies and any other thing I decide I want to say on Sundays (And really any other day). Please feel free to have a look around, we’ve only just begun. Share your blogs and your favorites and direct me toward links I must read. I’m ready to emerge again as a person who is doing something with that longing. So here I am.
Love you all,
Show me your beautiful face